I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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