So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
