I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
