would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
