cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
