so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She's JV to your varsity
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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