he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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