Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
