Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
