She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize