Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
