hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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