I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
