can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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