this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
