So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's blow job season.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
