I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
