too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
