we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
