Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
