I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This baby is an asshole
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
