Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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