Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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