Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
