i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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