You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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