I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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