Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
