Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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