i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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