It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
