he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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