She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
