its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
