Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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