So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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