I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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