dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
