I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
