I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
