Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
