yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
