I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
