Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
