Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
pop tarts are not kleenex
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
