No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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