I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
