as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
