My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it glows. i had to have it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
