She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
