onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
