some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
im on a boat
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