South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
