i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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