Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
