I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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