Where is the hickey?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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