when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
